How I’m feeling right now

I can remember many times in my life in which I was incredibly frustrated or achingly sad or wretchedly waiting for something to finish or to start. I don’t remember many times of quiet satisfaction or contentedness, although I know I have had these moments, but they are often unremembered because they lack, well, drama I suppose.

I thought, perhaps, since I am right in the middle of one of those contented moments in regards to my writing, it would be worth preserving it for future writing-related moments of wretchedness and aching. Moments that will be in my future, although it is difficult to believe that right at this second.

If you’ve been reading along, you’ll know I’ve finished the first draft of my first ever completed novel. It has been an interesting couple of weeks with this tucked under my belt, those words flown and captured and securely squared away into a computer file. I have felt that I was finally on steady ground, on a path leading…somewhere…somewhere I was supposed to be.

I printed the novel out the other day and it has sat in its half-ream glory on my desk waiting and waiting for school holidays and time. Now I look like those actual-authors who have images of piles of printed edits on their Instagram! I put a little video of my printout on my Instagram and felt very content about it, thank you very much.

This was much earlier than I wanted to print it, mind you, but there is a opportunity I want to apply for and a uni assignment due and I need to edit at least the beginning. I will most likely read the whole thing just to see what I think.

And now I am just starting to pack up my things to head to the Katharine Susannah Prichard Writers Centre tomorrow for a two week fellowship. I’ve been putting off packing for this because I’ve wanted to savour the anticipation of it, the possibilities of it. But today is the day. And with KSP only 30mins from home, I am planning on taking, well, EVERYTHING. Haha. In other words, the real task here is working out how to fit it all in the car.

I have been a little anxious about going to KSP but only for silly, small reasons like: will my dog be sad I won’t be here to take her walking every morning? How many flowers will I miss coming out in my glorious spring garden? If I cut the jasmine flowers and take them with me, will they wilt quickly? (I tested it and no they won’t!) If I spend the whole two weeks reading (because I have heaps to read and research), is it really a writers’ retreat? Is it really sensible to spend a whole school holiday 30mins down the road when there is so much work to do around the house and for school here? (I can hear you all shouting YES! in answer to that last one.)

So I’m feeling a sense of anticipation but not full on excitement, a contentedness but not at all smug, a satisfaction but not of the resting-on-my-laurels variety. I’m feeling a little anxious but also some level of confidence.

All in all, it is a good place to be!

2 thoughts on “How I’m feeling right now

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